All pizza shall contain cheese.
The cheese must be present, generous, and unequivocal. Pizzas presenting without cheese will be sent back to the oven for further reflection.
Today's Notice / 27.04.26
One Phil. One Pizza. No Substitutions.
Quite possibly the best pizza you've ever had. The rules are few. Phil enforces them. The line moves. You eat well. This arrangement has worked since March 2015.
Phil is currently contemplative
Section 01 / The Charter
Eight rules. Do not break them.
Drafted by founder Philbert P. Philton in a disused laundromat on 14th Street, March 2015. Revised twice. Both revisions were rejected by Phil.
The crust is not negotiable.
Thickness, char, and gluten profile are determined by Phil at the start of each fiscal quarter. Customer feedback is welcomed and immediately archived.
Pineapple is permitted.
Phil has personally reviewed the matter and finds no compelling reason to forbid it. We do not wish to discuss this further.
Slices are equal in size.
To the extent possible, given the round geometry of the pie. We acknowledge that this is, in itself, a kind of statement.
Phil is the only Phil.
References to other Phils — at other establishments, in other contexts — are coincidental and should not be confused with the true Phil. There is one Phil.
Punctuality is a flavor.
A pizza arriving late is not the same pizza. A pizza arriving early arouses suspicion. The pizza arrives when it arrives. This is correct.
Toppings shall be enumerated.
You are entitled to know, in advance, what is on your pizza. This information will be provided in plain language upon written request and approval of Form 14-B.
The salad is a separate matter.
We acknowledge the existence of salad. We do not serve it. We do not want to talk about it. Please direct salad inquiries to a different establishment.
Section 03 / The Outposts
Twelve outposts. One Phil. Many lines.
Pizza Phil maintains an unwavering presence in twelve metropolitan areas. New locations are evaluated quarterly by the Phil Council. Folks in other regions are encouraged to drive.
Brooklyn
14 Industrial Pkwy
Open 11:00 — 23:00
Queens
1973 Phil Boulevard
Open 11:00 — 23:00
Newark
88 Charter Avenue
Open 12:00 — 22:00
Trenton
14 Form-B Lane
Open 11:30 — 21:30
Boston
312 Ricotta Square
Open 11:00 — 22:00
Philadelphia
1 Philton Plaza
Open 10:00 — 23:00
Pittsburgh
42 Pepperoni Way
Open 12:00 — 22:00
Cleveland
1973 Crust Road
Open 11:30 — 22:00
Detroit
9 Anchovy Court
Open 11:00 — 22:00
Chicago
88 Mozzarella Drive
Open 11:00 — 23:30
St. Louis
14 Slice Street
Hours pending review
Buffalo
71 Margherita Mews
Open 12:00 — 22:00
Section 04 / Common Questions
Questions Phil has decided to address.
The following questions have been received with sufficient frequency that Phil has authorized their public clarification. Submit further questions via Form 14-B at any location.
Q.01 Why does Phil look at me like that?
Phil looks at everyone like that. It is not personal. It is, in fact, the opposite of personal — Phil regards each guest with the same fond concern for their nutritional welfare.
Customers who feel singled out by Phil's gaze are encouraged to remember that everybody gets the gaze, and so it applies to them in proportion.
Q.02 Is Phil a real person?
Phil is a real and verifiable person. Phil's existence has been confirmed by three independent notaries, two municipal courts, and one (1) particularly persistent journalist who has since become an enthusiastic supporter.
Phil's documentation is in order. Yours, frankly, has not been examined.
Q.03 Can I order a salad?
No.
Q.04 Do you deliver?
We do not deliver. You arrive.
This distinction is important to us. The pizza waits at the counter. The pizza is patient. The pizza was on time. You are the variable.
Q.05 Why is everything red?
Pizza is red. Sauce is red. The kitchen, by long tradition, is red. The tile, the apron, the awning, the napkin, the receipt — all red. Why is anything else any other color? We invite you to consider this.
Q.06 I have a food allergy.
This is unfortunate. Please file Form 14-B at your nearest location. Allergies will be reviewed by the Phil Council, and a determination will be issued within six to eight (6–8) fiscal quarters.
In the interim, we recommend not eating things you are allergic to. Phil endorses this approach.
Q.07 Can I speak to the manager?
The manager is Phil. Phil is in a meeting. The meeting will end when Phil decides the meeting will end. This may be a long time. We thank you for your patience.
Q.08 Why does Phil's face appear on my receipt?
By default, all receipts are stamped with Phil's likeness as a form of authentication. This deters counterfeit receipts, of which there have been three (3) confirmed cases since 2015.
You may opt out via Form 14-B. The alternative receipt is blank, which most folks find more troubling than the original.
Q.09 Does Phil have a last name?
Philton. Phil's full name is Philbert P. Philton. The repetition is deliberate, predates the establishment, and is documented in our Articles of Incorporation, on file with the State of New Jersey.
Inquiries regarding the middle initial "P" will be politely declined.
Q.10 Do you franchise?
No. There is one Phil and only one. The Pizza Phil name, the Phil portrait, and the operational format cannot be franchised, licensed, or replicated. Imitation establishments using a similar format will be addressed by our legal department within a reasonable timeframe.
Q.11 What happens if I break a rule at the counter?
No pizza. The length of your exile is at Phil's discretion. Eight (8) months is typical. Twelve (12) has been issued. There is no appeal. The line continues to move.
Q.12 Why is your website like this?
Define "like this."
Pizza Phil · Visual Standards Division Form 14-B — Order Request
Rev. 14-B.iv
File 71-A · 003
Issued March 2015
File 71-A · 003
Issued March 2015
Patron Surname
Last, First (no middle initials)
Hunger Level (1–9)
Self-assessed at counter
Stated Reason for Pizza
Optional but encouraged. Phil reads them.
Crust Profile
Determined by Phil — see Article 02
Slice Quantity
As geometrically permitted
Topping Selections (mark applicable)
Patron Acknowledgement
By initialing below, I acknowledge that the pizza arrives when it arrives, that no substitutions shall be requested, and that Phil's gaze is not personal.
Witnessed By (Phil)
Pending Phil's availability
Philbert P. Philton
Authorized Signatory · Phil
_______________________
Patron Signature · Required
This form is a public document · Photocopying restricted · Form returns at the counter
Notice 2015-A
Step right up.
Step right up.
Pizza awaits.
Approximately eight billion people have not yet experienced Pizza Phil. Be the next. The line is long but it moves with purpose, like all good things.